Cyclists are assholes

(8) I got my kilt and I wore it to work today. Very comfortable.

But I have something else to say.

I would take up cycling, but apparently you have to be an asshole.

The last few weekends, cyclists have descended on Fredericksburg, and they all wanted guest houses. Today, five of them tried to check in before 2 pm. From their reactions, you would think they had never heard of a check-in time. All of them said, "But we have a 1 pm ride scheduled!" We explained that Easter, combined with wildflower time, is a busy time, and the homeowners hadn't had the time to clean after their previous guests. They sniffed in disgust and stormed out to start their bike rides. Another group arrived yesterday. Granted, they have stayed with us for the last several years, but this year, they negotiated a special rate with the homeowner for one night, and told us there would be 8 people for three nights. When they came in to pay, they told us that, no, there were four people tonight, six tomorrow and eight the next day. This required several minutes of recalculation. An hour later, the representative of the group arrived to ask us if they could check out at 1 pm or 2 pm (2-3 hours later than regular check out time). I referred them to the homeowner, and said that if she didn't mind, we didn't. Not an appropriate answer, I guess, since she sniffed and left the office.

I theorize that extensive cycling drives the spine into the part of the brain that controls polite behavior.

I explained my theory to the office. Then we had a guy who was staying at a country home who wanted us to deliver the key. He said he didn't want to come into town. I wanted to ask where the Hell he was going to eat, since there isn't a kitchen at the house, but I refrained. When he got to the office to pick up the key, he complained that since he was coming in from "that side of town" we should have delivered the key. We tried to explain that the homeowner asked us to distribute the keys, but he said that he would speak to the homeowner, because he didn't want to be bothered by it. I wanted to ask him if he brought his bicycle.

I suggested a $50 rural key delivery fee, and a $50 rural key retrieval fee, a $50 early check in fee, and a $50 late check-out fee, payable in cash, no receipt, to the others in the office. Someone said they would do it for $20, but they were roundly poo poo'ed.

The boss was in the office today and noticed that we had a larger than usual supply of assholes. But she wouldn't go so far as to authorize my fee idea.

So, if I ever tell you that I want to start cycling, remind me that they are all assholes.