Crap #16

Another Bob Ross imitation.

Dear Mark Shuttleworth,

I'm not quite ready to abandon Micro$oft. For the last three weeks, I have been living in Ubuntuland, on a second hand machine. I've had some problems:

First, Xsane crashes when I try to use my scanner. i press the scan button and the Xsane window goes away.

I tried to install the recommended firewall on the computer, but everytime I would get to the install screen, i would click the "Next" button and the window would go away.

I tried to use gnomad to manage my Dell DJ. But anytime I tried to add music or ceate a playlist, the window would disappear.

I can see now that a Windows-less existence may be nigh impossible.

I'm not giving up, but for the next couple of weeks, the old Windows machine is back on the desk.

How Psycho is my Boss?

Your Boss Is Not Psycho

Even though you might hate your boss at times, your boss is pretty fair and upstanding. If you're having trouble with your boss, you may just be having trouble with authority in general.

Is Your Boss Psycho?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 329 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

The Movie of My Life Would Be. . .

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times. Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

An Important Announcement

I have called this press conference to put some rumors to rest. I will read a short statement and I will take no questions.

I wish to announce that there is no freaking way I am the father of Anna Nichole's baby. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. I may b e one of the few who didn't, but I didn't.

Thank you. That is all.

Crap Number 15

My aunt, Ann, asked for a windmill painting.

Geez. I haven't even master trees, yet! So I thought I would try to paint a windmill.

I think I should stick to mud puddles.

Breaking-Up isn't so hard to do, girls break up with me all the time!

Dear Bill Gates,

Bill (Can I call you Bill? I've given you enough money that I feel like you should at least be on a first name basis with me.), I hate to break this to you, but I won't be upgrading to Vista. In fact, soon I will be leaving the all-embracing arms of Micro$oft, and I wanted to tell you, because you're like a friend to me.

You need too much space, Bill. Every Windoze upgrade requires more space on my hard drive than the last one. Vista needs 20Gb of hard drive space. My first computer had a 4 Mb hard drive, and I never thought I would fill it. But now you need a drive that's 500 times bigger than my first one? Well, that's just greedy, Bill.

Then there are the demands for money. More and more money. To Install Vista, I should upgrade my processor, increase my RAM and add a video card. Bill, for that amount of money, I can buy a new computer.

But what hurts the most, Bill, is your lack of trust. You simply cannot bring yourself to believe that I am an honest customer. Every time you force a badly needed security update on me, you make a point of telling me you are making sure my copy of Windoze is legal. I had to prove the copy was legal when I installed it, and you made my computer call Micro$oft HQ with my information! So sometime between the installation and update, you seem to believe that I have scrapped my legal copy of Windoze and replaced it with a pirated copy. And Vista will only let me change hardware a handful of times before I have to buy another copy. What if my new processor is defective? I have memory card problems? Tough, you say. Buy another copy, and make the check out to cash.

And not only do you believe I'm a software pirate, you believe I am a music and movie pirate, and have packed Vista with all sorts of watchdog software that will disable my system at a moments notice if it believes I'm using illegal files! No trial. No "We need to talk." You'll just disable my system.

So, as you can see, Bill, it's not me. It's you.

I'm dual booting, Bill.

I know. I know. It is unfaithful of me to treat you in this manner, but Mark Shuttleworth doesn't treat me like a criminal. He welcomes me into the arms of Ubuntu with a smile, and not a bludgeon. He's not asking me to change, Bill. He accepts my computer for what it is--older but not yet ready for the scrap heap; not ready to be dumped for the latest hi-speed processing floozie from a corporate shill or yours.

We can still be friends, Bill. At least until the end of XP's support cycle, the second Tuesday in April 2009. Then I'll be letting Ubuntu move in with me.

You have a year, Bill. Let's make the most of it.

Jeff

Sometimes I say to myself, "Self, your amazing!"

I got this old computer from the office. A 1.7gHz, 40 GB HD , 256 MB RAM, computer that we are updating in anticipation of eventually migrating to Vista.

I want to make it a PVR. So, I replace the CD-ROM with a dual layer DVD burner, put in a wireless card, and a TV tuner. I added a 250 GB hard drive as a slave, but I can't get Windows to see it. So I make the big hard drive the master, and leave the 40GB unconnected. I try to install Ubuntu. When it comes time to reboot, I get an error 18. WTF? Turns out, the BIOS won't support the big hard drive.

Cursing, I shut down, reconnect the Windoze HD, and run Belarc Advisor to get the motherboard info. I go to Intel (on my computer in the house, I do this sort of stuff in the work shop out back) to get a bios update, make a bootable floppy, and go back out to reboot the computer. It updates the BIOS. I unplug the Windows HD, reconnect the big hard drive and reboot.

UBUNTU FINISHES THE INSTALL, AND IT SHOWS 215 GB FREE!!

The next step: Try to configure MythTV and actually get it to work. Before I do that, I need to make sure the wireless card can get to the Internet and find a place to put it.